I seem to have reached the zenith of my anticipation, and now I'm experiencing a feeling like the calm before the storm. I feel relatively tranquil and sated with the knowledge that the major pieces of my journey are in place (although I do still have to finish paying my ViaLingua course fees and reserve my room at the hostal). I've stopped really worrying about whether my Spanish will be good enough, whether I will feel ridiculously overwhelmed by homesickness or lack of familiar faces and voices, whether I will be deported (hahaha). I'm banking on an adventure, and using that metaphor helps me in this inexplainable way to anticipate the ups and downs, to keep as objective an outlook on my trip as I possibly can (which of course is easier to do when you're not there yet).
Anyway. I feel a lull in my need to constantly seek out new information about Spain. Don't get me wrong - I'm still reading my Andalucia guide every day, and I've still got a good documentary film coming in every few days. But this is a much-needed lull. It's giving me a sort of confidence that I didn't have before when I was scrambling for every bit of information I could get my hands on. Now I just hope I don't get overwhelmed by all the books and travel gear I asked my parents to get me for Christmas!
On that same note, I've been waiting so long for the "textbook" that I bought for my TEFL course to get here from Amazon that I'm worried now that I've lost my appetite for it. It's a huge book and it cost like $50, so I damned well hope I'm ready to soak it all up by the time Christmas is over.
On a less related note to the Spain trip, I read some poetry yesterday by my old poetry professor at UNT, and it awakened something in me like reading poetry always does. I'd read Bruce Bond's work before, and I had always revered him in this ridiculous way because he studied with Ginsberg, but for some reason yesterday I completely got his writing like I never had before. It made me remember all the critiques and the suggestions he'd provided me for my best work, and it made me hope that perhaps something I had done as one of his students, something I had said might have inspired him or contributed to the work he's put out into the world. I remember once I heard from someone, a friend or fellow student, after finals one semester that Bruce Bond had gone for a beer with another of my professors from the English department, and my friend or fellow student had overheard the profs discussing me and my work/poetry. In general terms, I think what was said was good, but it surprised me how much what they thought mattered to me as a student. It makes me think and hope that my own praise or admiration of my future students will affect them the same way.
I want to write a poem. Several, in fact. I'm going to start cataloging interesting ideas. More on that later.
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