Today was sortof a wash due to an impromptu hangover, and also incidentally sortof awash with sentiment since I spent a large portion of it re-reading Song of Myself for maybe the 30th time. I'd forgotten how long that poem is, and how wonderful. I'm not even halfway through it, taking my time with each line and relishing in them, and already the familiar wave of humility and grace and wonder is taking me. I know it's a bit rotten to say this, but there are elements of almost every poem I've ever written in Song of Myself. I wonder if maybe I subconsciously internalize my favorite poems and squeeze remnants of them into the things I write. There are hints of Ginsberg in some of my poems too, not surprising since he worshipped Whitman like I do. Anyway, I am in no way at ALL comparing the crappy little lives of my poems to the legends of the Greats, but I'm thankful and wistful today to feel touched and connected by something so much bigger than me, so much bigger than the world - yet completely inseparable from everything.
I just came across this particular stanza and almost felt like crying:
What is commonest, cheapest, nearest, easiest, is Me,
Me going in for my chances, spending for vast returns,
Adorning myself to bestow myself on the first that will take me,
Not asking the sky to come down to my good will,
Scattering it freely forever.
I don't know what I would do without words, without poetry. I wonder if other people in the world are fortunate enough to be as moved by something as I am by simple words. It's like the whole meaning of life for me is enveloped by this overwhelming feeling...sadness and euphoria, longing and resignation, wisdom and curiosity. It's the sweet and the sour, man. The sweet and the sour. I love you, Walt Whitman. Thanks for making me feel human again.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Bad Blog Mommy
Ok, ok. It goes without saying: I dropped the ball.
I've recently gone the more personal route of sending emails to a few friends and family members back home, so the blog suffered a little hiatus. In fact, I'm so swamped with work at this point that I'm going to borrow from some of these emails in order to update those who didn't receive one. So, my apologies in advance if these snippets seem disjointed at all. I've categorized them according to context, for clarity:
Travelling:
It's funny how you take things for granted without even knowing it. Travelling has taught me a lot about that - appreciating what you have while you have it, because next thing you know, you'll be moving on to a new city with new faces, new things to see every day, new adventures. It's different being here in Granada again because this time I have a job, like the city seems more normal and less exotic because it's sortof "home" now, but I still have these moments of complete euphoria when I realize where I am and just have to let out a big sigh of gratitude that I'm even here at all.
The Recent Election:
Despite most Americans' assumptions, it's actually been quite difficult to be a proud American abroad when everyone you meet hates and/or criticizes your president and government as well as its people for the economic crisis which they're all suffering from. That's tip of the iceberg, but ppl in Europa absolutely LOVE Obama, so their opinions of Americans (and thus of me) may change soon, and I'm happy about that.
Teaching English:
I love vocabulation!! I'm actually teaching English to some babies (3 and 4 years old), and they amaze me every day with the stuff they know. They are full of big-eyed wonder, and the other day (I've told this story to about 100 people now) we were singing "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and tooooooes..." and afterwards, I pointed at each body part and asked the students "What's this?" They repeated, "Head!" and then, "Shoulders," and then, "Kneesand!" Hahahaaaa...they didn't understand there are TWO words in the song (knees & and) and combined them. It was so cute, I burst out laughing and they were so tickled, not knowing why I was laughing, that they laughed right along with me. TOO CUTE.
Future Plans:
As for my return date *big gulp*, my flight is scheduled for June 30, but I'm already anticipating that I will have to push that date forward. English Summer Camp work usually starts July 1st, so I have no idea why I chose June 30th for my return. Working at a camp is GREAT money, for just a little inconvenience and work, and when the school year ends in late May/early June, I will definitely need the income. I might even work for 2 months, if I can. So, there's that. But then, there's also...the fact that my long-term plans may have changed quite dramatically. I know there's a chance my friends and family might be disappointed, but I'm seeing TEFL Teaching abroad as a long-term career now. There are so many more countries that I want to see, and not just to visit but to live in - Japan, Thailand, Colombia, Brazil, Mexico (for starters)...and there's just no rational reason for me to go back to the States and end up in the same place I was when I left for Spain. I mean, I could probably find a TEFL job there, but I feel like I'm finished with New Orleans for now, so I'd be living outside of Louisiana and probably outside of the South anyway...so why not just country-hop for a few years until I feel like I've really taken advantage of the fact that I'm young and not tied down?
I of course have job offers for next year already, and I might consider coming back because the hours and the pay will improve since I've already worked for them. There's just not a chance that any offer in the States could be as seductive - what can I say? I really love it here. If not here next year, I might look at teaching jobs in Mexico - at least that isn't such an expensive flight home! Most importantly, I want to continue working on my Spanish so that I can hopefully teach both English and Spanish one day. And since Mexico is close and cheap, and I have a friend with whom I can live in Colombia...well, Latin America is looking like the next logical step.
Current Conditions:
It's freezing cold here in Granada now, and there is snow completely covering the Sierra Nevadas (the mountain range which is the backdrop everywhere you go in the city). The mountains seem to call to me, and right now is the best time to go up there (no tourists, plus it's not as cold as it will be in the coming months). I would really love to organize a trip around a snowball fight. We'll see what comes of that.
Onwards and Upwards!
Ciao, until next time
XD
I've recently gone the more personal route of sending emails to a few friends and family members back home, so the blog suffered a little hiatus. In fact, I'm so swamped with work at this point that I'm going to borrow from some of these emails in order to update those who didn't receive one. So, my apologies in advance if these snippets seem disjointed at all. I've categorized them according to context, for clarity:
Travelling:
It's funny how you take things for granted without even knowing it. Travelling has taught me a lot about that - appreciating what you have while you have it, because next thing you know, you'll be moving on to a new city with new faces, new things to see every day, new adventures. It's different being here in Granada again because this time I have a job, like the city seems more normal and less exotic because it's sortof "home" now, but I still have these moments of complete euphoria when I realize where I am and just have to let out a big sigh of gratitude that I'm even here at all.
The Recent Election:
Despite most Americans' assumptions, it's actually been quite difficult to be a proud American abroad when everyone you meet hates and/or criticizes your president and government as well as its people for the economic crisis which they're all suffering from. That's tip of the iceberg, but ppl in Europa absolutely LOVE Obama, so their opinions of Americans (and thus of me) may change soon, and I'm happy about that.
Teaching English:
I love vocabulation!! I'm actually teaching English to some babies (3 and 4 years old), and they amaze me every day with the stuff they know. They are full of big-eyed wonder, and the other day (I've told this story to about 100 people now) we were singing "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and tooooooes..." and afterwards, I pointed at each body part and asked the students "What's this?" They repeated, "Head!" and then, "Shoulders," and then, "Kneesand!" Hahahaaaa...they didn't understand there are TWO words in the song (knees & and) and combined them. It was so cute, I burst out laughing and they were so tickled, not knowing why I was laughing, that they laughed right along with me. TOO CUTE.
Future Plans:
As for my return date *big gulp*, my flight is scheduled for June 30, but I'm already anticipating that I will have to push that date forward. English Summer Camp work usually starts July 1st, so I have no idea why I chose June 30th for my return. Working at a camp is GREAT money, for just a little inconvenience and work, and when the school year ends in late May/early June, I will definitely need the income. I might even work for 2 months, if I can. So, there's that. But then, there's also...the fact that my long-term plans may have changed quite dramatically. I know there's a chance my friends and family might be disappointed, but I'm seeing TEFL Teaching abroad as a long-term career now. There are so many more countries that I want to see, and not just to visit but to live in - Japan, Thailand, Colombia, Brazil, Mexico (for starters)...and there's just no rational reason for me to go back to the States and end up in the same place I was when I left for Spain. I mean, I could probably find a TEFL job there, but I feel like I'm finished with New Orleans for now, so I'd be living outside of Louisiana and probably outside of the South anyway...so why not just country-hop for a few years until I feel like I've really taken advantage of the fact that I'm young and not tied down?
I of course have job offers for next year already, and I might consider coming back because the hours and the pay will improve since I've already worked for them. There's just not a chance that any offer in the States could be as seductive - what can I say? I really love it here. If not here next year, I might look at teaching jobs in Mexico - at least that isn't such an expensive flight home! Most importantly, I want to continue working on my Spanish so that I can hopefully teach both English and Spanish one day. And since Mexico is close and cheap, and I have a friend with whom I can live in Colombia...well, Latin America is looking like the next logical step.
Current Conditions:
It's freezing cold here in Granada now, and there is snow completely covering the Sierra Nevadas (the mountain range which is the backdrop everywhere you go in the city). The mountains seem to call to me, and right now is the best time to go up there (no tourists, plus it's not as cold as it will be in the coming months). I would really love to organize a trip around a snowball fight. We'll see what comes of that.
Onwards and Upwards!
Ciao, until next time
XD
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