Outside of work, the personal life has also brought new challenges. I spent last weekend up in Prado Negro, a pueblo in the mountains above Granada. We went hiking about 8 km up above the house where our friends live - through piles and piles of beautiful, glistening snow. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that it was the first time I'd seen that much snow EVER in my LIFE (about mid-thigh-deep). I made a snow angel and got bathed in the obligatory "snow virgin snowball fight" before we climbed down a freakishly steep cliff to cross over a waterfall (the only reason we were able to get across is it was covered in snow...which was also what made it very dangerous and difficult).
Walking all that way, on a continuous incline no less, I became emotionally introspective despite the 5 friends happily chattering all around me (mostly in French, which might have contributed a bit too). I had a sort of epiphany about myself and physical challenges: I don't like to be on display at these times. Parts of the climb were...not difficult, but not necessarily things I was prepared to do when we left the warm comfort of the house that morning. In my mind, we were 6 friends out to leisurely explore the snow and breathe a bit of fresh air - not climb tediously over jagged rocks and prickly plants all afternoon for the sake of "sport." Because I didn't have a clear idea of what we would be doing (I probably should have guessed, based on the super professional outdoor/athletic gear our friend Rosa changed into before we left), I was unpleasantly surprised each time Rosa and her b/f Sylvain directed us further away from their house, up, up, and up the mountain over muddy, ice-covered patches of land that were nearly impossible to pass through with my pseudo-sporty New Balances (the only athletic shoe I own here in Spain) [side-note: everyone else in our walking party was wearing Merrill-type hiking shoes or boots, most of them water-proof, while I returned with freezing-cold, sopping-wet feet up to my mid-calves]. Anyway, there were moments of the day when I felt quite on-display about my lack of enthusiasm to get past the mountain's obstacles, and quite singled-out as the misfit in our group, and I worried that these people would see me as unadventurous or non-athletic. So I stayed quiet and focused on my balance when the terrain got slippery, I kept up my breathing instead of talking the whole way, and in doing this, I think I (unavoidably) pissed off my b/f just a bit.
Later, I thought about a story of my American friend M*, whose Spanish b/f is really outdoorsy and likes to go hiking and trampling through the woods and stuff. M* and I come from the same basic city background, where it's just not normal to go out in the nature and hang around (no electricity? then what's there to DO out there??). We have that in common, but we differ in terms of athletic experience: though I never really liked hanging out in the woods, I've always been relatively athletic in terms of extra-curricular activities; however, M* has never gotten into sports, based on her personal interests and tastes, and while that's different from my experience, I can totally get it - my philosophy is basically that physical effort for the sake of physical effort is DUMB (i.e. wasting hours at the gym) - if you incorporate a healthy amount of physical activity into your daily life, or do fun things that are mildly physical, this is a much better way to stay healthy and fit (hello?! dropping 7 pants sizes simply by walking instead of driving!).
Anyway, M* told me once about a day she went "walking" up in Jaen with her b/f and some of his friends. The "walk" turned out to be a hike, and there was a rather treacherous rope-bridge to cross, too. She broke down and cried a lot of the way, and her b/f was disturbed and confused and irritated at this behavior, and they had a big fight in the end. In retrospect, she realized the problem was she wasn't properly informed of what they would be doing, not to mention this type of thing isn't something she's done very often in her life, and most problematic was that her disgraceful reaction to this new experience was being witnessed by others who found the activity easy and fun (including the man whose opinion is most important to her). After the hike this weekend, I identify a lot with M*'s story, and remembering it helped me to cut myself some slack here. I used this story to explain my odd behavior to my b/f afterwards, and I think maybe he gets it now: yes, I like challenges and trying new things, and of course I'm open to different ideas of what's "fun," but I'm still allowed to get a little emotional (read: frustrated, caught off-guard, reluctant…) during new experiences, and it's not exactly easy to go through all that in front of people you barely know.
When we got back to the house, we drank tea and sat in the sun to dry out our feet, and we ate a tasty lunch and chilled out as the sun went down. It wasn’t the perfect snowy mountain climb, but it was my first, and I can rest easy knowing the next time I do it, I’ll know what to expect and be able to enjoy it a lot more. I’ll post pics of my first real snow day when I get them uploaded J
No comments:
Post a Comment