I generally try to refrain from being too negative in my blogs, but I just don't have it in me to be positive today. I've been sick since Saturday, and I ignored the impending doom and decided to stay out late drinking that night, which is always a bad idea. Then, I had an allergic reaction to some falafel from my favorite schwarma shop (which always includes a large amount of wheezing and coughing), and now it's like I've got full-on emphysema, complete with fever and chills.
Anyway, it's just like sickness to bring you to a dark place, make you consider things in a different light and examine your life a different way. An update since my last post: the b/f came to visit over New Years and went back to the States on January 7, and then I had to go back to work the following day. We had an amazing time - got to see most of what Granada has to offer, the big sights in Sevilla (and some amazing tapas bars), plus we were able to fit in a museum and a Malasana pub crawl with my favorite friend in Madrid. All in all, good stuff. We had some amazing conversations over good wine and tapas, just got to enjoy being together in its essence. Unfortunately, after he left, I've been a bit reclusive. And I thought I was getting away with it, but people in my house have started to notice. They've been asking me if I'm just really busy with work, and in response I tell them yes, but honestly my work is the same as it's always been. I feel a bit more stressed by it, but that's just because I need to build up the steam I had going last semester, and that's always tough after the holidays.
In all honesty, I've realized how difficult it is for me to connect with other people. And another key to this reclusiveness is really just the fact that since the b/f came, I'm pretty certain that I am not interested in other men. And this is a good thing - it's good to know, to be sure. But then, he's so far away, while the idea of going back to the States at this point is fairly upsetting. But it wasn't always like this, and I think right now it's a matter of my perspective (which, after two days in bed with a deafening cough, is pretty bleak) - during the summer, it seemed like I made these strange and beautiful connections to so many unexpected people. But now, maybe it's the winter, maybe it's that Granada isn't as magical for me anymore and is really a better "summer town," whatever the reason, I'm feeling taxed by the thought of even a casual "chat" with my housemates. And for that, of course I feel guilty. Like I'm purposefully being anti-social, which is so not like me.
In short, I've got to get over this cold and out of the house and back to myself. Pronto.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Venga La Noche Vieja!!!
New Years (la noche vieja, in Spain) will be here tomorrow! I'm equipped with champagne (cava) and grapes (uvas), but fresh out of resolutions. Except maybe to get on top of my finances, which seem to have gotten quite out of hand since my return to Spain.
In case you weren't aware, there is a tradition in Spain to eat one grape every second during the final countdown to midnight. Apparently, this began as a Catalan tradition, so in Barcelona there are paramedics on hand all through the night for the occasional choking "accident." Still, I'm really excited! They don't have seedless grapes in Spain (imagine!), so we'll have to cut out the seeds and prepare the grapes for quick swallowing as the clock strikes 12:00. Fun, fun, fun!
The b/f is also set to arrive in 4 hours and counting - I barely slept a wink last night, I'm so excited. Apparently, neither did he. That's typical for the first night before a big trip, though. I never sleep before I get on the plane, which is better for me b/c then I'm actually able to sleep during the long flight. I'm sure he'll konk out as soon as he gets here, but I doubt I'll be able to sleep. Maybe I'll just lie there and watch him snooze next to me :)
Anyway, we have planned a grand cena (dinner) at the house, and then we'll move the party up to the Mirador de San Nicolas (minutes away from the house) for midnight. There will be fireworks, champagne, a view of the entire city (including the Alhambra), and we'll also be able to see all the parties going on down in the city below. Perfect. Hopefully, there will be parties going on until dawn - I hope the b/f is prepared for going out Spanish-style!
In case you weren't aware, there is a tradition in Spain to eat one grape every second during the final countdown to midnight. Apparently, this began as a Catalan tradition, so in Barcelona there are paramedics on hand all through the night for the occasional choking "accident." Still, I'm really excited! They don't have seedless grapes in Spain (imagine!), so we'll have to cut out the seeds and prepare the grapes for quick swallowing as the clock strikes 12:00. Fun, fun, fun!
The b/f is also set to arrive in 4 hours and counting - I barely slept a wink last night, I'm so excited. Apparently, neither did he. That's typical for the first night before a big trip, though. I never sleep before I get on the plane, which is better for me b/c then I'm actually able to sleep during the long flight. I'm sure he'll konk out as soon as he gets here, but I doubt I'll be able to sleep. Maybe I'll just lie there and watch him snooze next to me :)
Anyway, we have planned a grand cena (dinner) at the house, and then we'll move the party up to the Mirador de San Nicolas (minutes away from the house) for midnight. There will be fireworks, champagne, a view of the entire city (including the Alhambra), and we'll also be able to see all the parties going on down in the city below. Perfect. Hopefully, there will be parties going on until dawn - I hope the b/f is prepared for going out Spanish-style!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Planning A Gay Yule Tide
Deflation. Absolute and utter decompression. That's what Xmas is about for me this year.
After the longest, most difficult week of my life as a TEFL teacher, I got to sing at the annual IML Teacher's Christmas party. The owner arranged for us to play at a really great jazz bar in Realejo, an awesome barrio of Granada. We rehearsed once last Sunday, and we pulled it off quite well for only one 4-hour rehearsal. It was me and Paul (from Canada) on vocals, Paul and Jack on drums/cajon, Jonathan on bass, Hans and Jack on Guitar, and Joe (female) on violin. When I found out we would be playing, I freaked out about it a bit for two weeks, but then all that nervous tension was eased last night with a few glasses of wine. The crowd was warm and inviting, and I had my very own female cheering section there to support me. It felt great to hear my voice through a PA again. I'd forgotten how much I love it, how much I miss just singing with other musicians. I will try to keep this as a more permanent part of my social life here in Granada - clearly, there is no lack of talented musicians here with which to collaborate!
Anyhow, now that last night is over, I feel a bit despondent, but still sortof euphoric too. Most of the household has left for Christmas to visit their families and won't return until after the New Year. There are about 6 or 7 of us left here who will stay and make the yule tide gay - sugar cookies, spice cake, eggnog, cider, and board games. I want to make a ramshackle tree and arrange a gift exchange too, and just lock ourselves in the salon with two or three heaters and hang out until the sun comes up, really see if Santa Clause stops by :)
I hope I don't die of boredom before then.
After the longest, most difficult week of my life as a TEFL teacher, I got to sing at the annual IML Teacher's Christmas party. The owner arranged for us to play at a really great jazz bar in Realejo, an awesome barrio of Granada. We rehearsed once last Sunday, and we pulled it off quite well for only one 4-hour rehearsal. It was me and Paul (from Canada) on vocals, Paul and Jack on drums/cajon, Jonathan on bass, Hans and Jack on Guitar, and Joe (female) on violin. When I found out we would be playing, I freaked out about it a bit for two weeks, but then all that nervous tension was eased last night with a few glasses of wine. The crowd was warm and inviting, and I had my very own female cheering section there to support me. It felt great to hear my voice through a PA again. I'd forgotten how much I love it, how much I miss just singing with other musicians. I will try to keep this as a more permanent part of my social life here in Granada - clearly, there is no lack of talented musicians here with which to collaborate!
Anyhow, now that last night is over, I feel a bit despondent, but still sortof euphoric too. Most of the household has left for Christmas to visit their families and won't return until after the New Year. There are about 6 or 7 of us left here who will stay and make the yule tide gay - sugar cookies, spice cake, eggnog, cider, and board games. I want to make a ramshackle tree and arrange a gift exchange too, and just lock ourselves in the salon with two or three heaters and hang out until the sun comes up, really see if Santa Clause stops by :)
I hope I don't die of boredom before then.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A long, arduous day...
Sigh, where to begin???
So, this week has been BUSY to say the least. I woke up this morning, ready for the three classes I had to teach, complete with my very own drawing of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer to accompany the listening activity I'd planned for my 7 & 8 yr-olds. As I walked into school to copy said drawing along with some additional exam materials for another class, who should call but my boss at IML? "I can see you from my window!" he says. (I was just below the school, which is on the 3rd floor, crossing the street as he called.) "Just a sec, I'm coming up there!" I replied. When I got there, he gave me the usual raised-eyebrow, anticipatory stare that he always has when he's about to ask me for a favor. Basically, he asked me to cover for another sick teacher tonight - two classes, just after my final class which ends at 7pm. This means working until 9:30pm and putting off the MOUNTAIN of work that I have to get done tonight. I agreed - hey, I need the money.
Anyway, so fast forward to my class with the 7 & 8 yr-olds, where I get the students into groups and very excited about the listening activity. I suddenly realize, I've misplaced the cd I burned with not one but FIVE different versions of "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" on it so that they can listen and put the lyrics in order. I ask another teacher to keep an eye on the students as I dash downstairs to dig for the cd, thinking I'd mistakenly put it into the wrong cd case with all my materials which I'd left downstairs. It wasn't there!! So I ran back up to the classroom, dug through my bag, and found it after all. I began to play the song, just as chaos broke out amongst the students. The usual suspects were screeching strange Spanish syllables (how's that for alliteration??) that I couldn't understand let alone speak over. I lost it. I turned off the song, just as the other students were really starting to figure it all out, and forced the students to write sentences instead. This meant they would NOT be rewarded for completing the task and also that I basically hate them. Some of the students complained (the good students), while the ones who routinely cause trouble just went on being bastards. Effing brats. Sometimes I hate teaching.
So then, flash forward to just after that class, where I brought up the topic of my transportation money to my boss as she was driving me back to the city center so I could catch a bus to my next class. I had sent her both an email AND a text message on the subject, saying I had to recharge my bus card this week and that I had the receipt, and could she reimburse me soon. So, I bring it up in the car, and she quickly changes her tone and says she "has to discuss it with Catarine," the other director. Something else about how "we agree to pay for some of your transportation costs...." So I immediately mounted the defensive and brought up the fact that, had I been given a choice (I hadn't) to accept or not accept these classes that are in Granada's B.F.E. region, knowing that transportation wouldn't be completely covered, I'd have been CRAZY to accept them. She said she was upset to hear that I felt that way about the scheduling, and I continued to tell her (most politely, of course) that the scheduling isn't the issue - I love my classes, have no problem with them, etc. - but that scheduling, i.e. WHERE the classes are, is related to transportation, which is the issue at hand. We were both in a rush to get to our next classes, so then as we were getting out of the car, still discussing the matter, she reaches into her purse and thrusts a 10 euro bill at me. I tell her, "Look, I've got the receipt, all I need is 5 euros to cover what I recharged on the card, you don't need to give me 10." And she keeps on insisting, saying, "No, no...I don't want to quibble about 8 euros." And I'm thinking, "Hold up - 8 euros is a lot of money, yo! I can buy breakfast for a WEEK on 8 euros." I took the money, and then I felt guilty (which I think, in retrospect, may have been her intention in just throwing money at me). So then I bought 2 packs of cigarettes with the 5 euros, and put the other 5 on my bus pass. Ha.
So THEN...
Flash forward to my 2 completely unprepared classes where I filled in for another sick teacher. The first one was a piece of cake - FCE students who have already taken the exam, and only 2 of the 12 showed up! So, we talked about Christmas, I presented them with the Rudolph activity which I'd so lovingly prepared and had to forfeit with the intended recipients, and the time flew by. Then, there were 4 students that showed up for the 2nd class - CAE (aka more advanced) students, who were quite suspicious about me from the beginning since I'm not their normal teacher. I did the Rudolph song with them, and they breezed through it on just one listen (typical of CAE students, but you can't blame me for trying). Then, I dished out a worksheet that I handmade a few months ago for another CAE student. This kept them occupied for 10 minutes, wherein I vigorously took notes, frantically trying to come up with ideas to fill the next HOUR of class. Somehow - and I have no earthly explanation for how the hell this came to be - visions of all those immaculate lesson plans on the TEFL course came flooding into my brain. It was automatic - I thought of a great role-play idea for my Production stage, then I thought about possible lead-ins and topics (Christmas shopping and associated problems), and all the Practice stage pieces just fell into place from there. I even started it off with a bogus story about how I recently purchased an ipod for my boyfriend, found out it was broken, then had to get this resolved at the store. This led to a discussion of aggressive, passive, and assertive behavior - in the moment, I remember that there's an entire UNIT in the CAE course book about "assertiveness," and "Hey, Presto!" I had a lesson. The students were interested and engaged, cooperated perfectly with the role-play, and perhaps even had a little fun. And the best part (which I attribute completely to the PPP model) was they didn't even realize they were learning!
I left work feeling euphoric and "in the zone" in a way I've never felt before with teaching. I mean, I've felt it's my calling before, but never so strongly. At this moment, I feel like all the "sink or swim" experience is FINALLY paying off, and I know for sure that I'm a swimmer.
To top off the euphoria, I rode the bus home listening to the playlist I recently uploaded to my mp3 player - songs from our set list on Friday. [Background: I'm singing on Friday at the IML Christmas party with a band comprised of 5 other TEFL teachers, and we sound awesome, if I do say so myself.] I've got blisters on my fingers from practicing the guitar for a solid week, ppl who genuinely think I can sing, and some new tunes to focus my attention on: HAPPINESS.
Oh yeah, did I mention I haven't eaten today, and I've got THREE full exams to prepare, plus report cards to fill out for 20 students, and a 12-hr teaching day tomorrow?? So, the day's not over. And all I can say is, thank god for momentum.
So, this week has been BUSY to say the least. I woke up this morning, ready for the three classes I had to teach, complete with my very own drawing of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer to accompany the listening activity I'd planned for my 7 & 8 yr-olds. As I walked into school to copy said drawing along with some additional exam materials for another class, who should call but my boss at IML? "I can see you from my window!" he says. (I was just below the school, which is on the 3rd floor, crossing the street as he called.) "Just a sec, I'm coming up there!" I replied. When I got there, he gave me the usual raised-eyebrow, anticipatory stare that he always has when he's about to ask me for a favor. Basically, he asked me to cover for another sick teacher tonight - two classes, just after my final class which ends at 7pm. This means working until 9:30pm and putting off the MOUNTAIN of work that I have to get done tonight. I agreed - hey, I need the money.
Anyway, so fast forward to my class with the 7 & 8 yr-olds, where I get the students into groups and very excited about the listening activity. I suddenly realize, I've misplaced the cd I burned with not one but FIVE different versions of "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" on it so that they can listen and put the lyrics in order. I ask another teacher to keep an eye on the students as I dash downstairs to dig for the cd, thinking I'd mistakenly put it into the wrong cd case with all my materials which I'd left downstairs. It wasn't there!! So I ran back up to the classroom, dug through my bag, and found it after all. I began to play the song, just as chaos broke out amongst the students. The usual suspects were screeching strange Spanish syllables (how's that for alliteration??) that I couldn't understand let alone speak over. I lost it. I turned off the song, just as the other students were really starting to figure it all out, and forced the students to write sentences instead. This meant they would NOT be rewarded for completing the task and also that I basically hate them. Some of the students complained (the good students), while the ones who routinely cause trouble just went on being bastards. Effing brats. Sometimes I hate teaching.
So then, flash forward to just after that class, where I brought up the topic of my transportation money to my boss as she was driving me back to the city center so I could catch a bus to my next class. I had sent her both an email AND a text message on the subject, saying I had to recharge my bus card this week and that I had the receipt, and could she reimburse me soon. So, I bring it up in the car, and she quickly changes her tone and says she "has to discuss it with Catarine," the other director. Something else about how "we agree to pay for some of your transportation costs...." So I immediately mounted the defensive and brought up the fact that, had I been given a choice (I hadn't) to accept or not accept these classes that are in Granada's B.F.E. region, knowing that transportation wouldn't be completely covered, I'd have been CRAZY to accept them. She said she was upset to hear that I felt that way about the scheduling, and I continued to tell her (most politely, of course) that the scheduling isn't the issue - I love my classes, have no problem with them, etc. - but that scheduling, i.e. WHERE the classes are, is related to transportation, which is the issue at hand. We were both in a rush to get to our next classes, so then as we were getting out of the car, still discussing the matter, she reaches into her purse and thrusts a 10 euro bill at me. I tell her, "Look, I've got the receipt, all I need is 5 euros to cover what I recharged on the card, you don't need to give me 10." And she keeps on insisting, saying, "No, no...I don't want to quibble about 8 euros." And I'm thinking, "Hold up - 8 euros is a lot of money, yo! I can buy breakfast for a WEEK on 8 euros." I took the money, and then I felt guilty (which I think, in retrospect, may have been her intention in just throwing money at me). So then I bought 2 packs of cigarettes with the 5 euros, and put the other 5 on my bus pass. Ha.
So THEN...
Flash forward to my 2 completely unprepared classes where I filled in for another sick teacher. The first one was a piece of cake - FCE students who have already taken the exam, and only 2 of the 12 showed up! So, we talked about Christmas, I presented them with the Rudolph activity which I'd so lovingly prepared and had to forfeit with the intended recipients, and the time flew by. Then, there were 4 students that showed up for the 2nd class - CAE (aka more advanced) students, who were quite suspicious about me from the beginning since I'm not their normal teacher. I did the Rudolph song with them, and they breezed through it on just one listen (typical of CAE students, but you can't blame me for trying). Then, I dished out a worksheet that I handmade a few months ago for another CAE student. This kept them occupied for 10 minutes, wherein I vigorously took notes, frantically trying to come up with ideas to fill the next HOUR of class. Somehow - and I have no earthly explanation for how the hell this came to be - visions of all those immaculate lesson plans on the TEFL course came flooding into my brain. It was automatic - I thought of a great role-play idea for my Production stage, then I thought about possible lead-ins and topics (Christmas shopping and associated problems), and all the Practice stage pieces just fell into place from there. I even started it off with a bogus story about how I recently purchased an ipod for my boyfriend, found out it was broken, then had to get this resolved at the store. This led to a discussion of aggressive, passive, and assertive behavior - in the moment, I remember that there's an entire UNIT in the CAE course book about "assertiveness," and "Hey, Presto!" I had a lesson. The students were interested and engaged, cooperated perfectly with the role-play, and perhaps even had a little fun. And the best part (which I attribute completely to the PPP model) was they didn't even realize they were learning!
I left work feeling euphoric and "in the zone" in a way I've never felt before with teaching. I mean, I've felt it's my calling before, but never so strongly. At this moment, I feel like all the "sink or swim" experience is FINALLY paying off, and I know for sure that I'm a swimmer.
To top off the euphoria, I rode the bus home listening to the playlist I recently uploaded to my mp3 player - songs from our set list on Friday. [Background: I'm singing on Friday at the IML Christmas party with a band comprised of 5 other TEFL teachers, and we sound awesome, if I do say so myself.] I've got blisters on my fingers from practicing the guitar for a solid week, ppl who genuinely think I can sing, and some new tunes to focus my attention on: HAPPINESS.
Oh yeah, did I mention I haven't eaten today, and I've got THREE full exams to prepare, plus report cards to fill out for 20 students, and a 12-hr teaching day tomorrow?? So, the day's not over. And all I can say is, thank god for momentum.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Blank Space
...is always somehow daunting. It makes me take a deep breath and then my mind goes as blank as the page and I feel the motivation to write this blog draining from my veins.
I hit a groove last week with my lesson planning (exciting, right?! sorry to bore you, but this is my life). I planned everything on Sunday, and on Monday morning, there wasn't that familiar feeling of dread because I have no idea what I'm teaching today. It took a few hours to put it all together, but it was WELL worth it. And then came the three-day weekend as a result of the Dia de la Constitucion (don't ask me what the festival is about - there are far too many to keep track of, I don't ask anymore, just ENJOY the time off), and of course when I went to bed on Monday night, I hadn't planned my entire week like before. I went to work today feeling like a failure as a teacher because I just couldn't be bothered to come up with dynamic lessons for my three students today.
Oh well, I guess things work in cycles. I'll get ahead at some point, I'm sure. I've still got a bit of time before bed tonight to plan for tomorrow!
In good news, I'm possibly going to the UK for Christmas! My friend Alastair, who recently moved out of the house in Granada and went back to England, has invited Marcia and me up to his family's home in Ipswich. A roaring fire, British pudding, walks to neighborhood pubs and playing in the f-f-f-freezing cold weather - sounds like Christmas to me! I'm just thrilled to be going somewhere with a family, where they speak English and are as excited to have me as I am to be there. I'll get to see London for real (more than the airport!), and I'll get to experience British people outside of [British people in Spain]. I've got to figure out a way to do this without spending more than pocket money, but it will certainly be worth it. Woot woot! Pictures will certainly be posted, in the event that this comes through. *We still haven't booked our flight yet, which is why I speak of this as hypothetical, but it's pretty sure that we're going at this point.*
So, Christmas will be sad and strange since I'm not with my family, which is the whole point of Christmas for me. But at least I can be with someone else's family!
On another note, I've rediscovered my Southern roots, in terms of music. I've been downloading a mess of old Opry, gospel, Motown, 60's rock, and blues (Iko Iko, anybody??). This music fills my heart and makes me so homesick that I can't even describe it in words. I've been asked to sing at my school's Christmas party on December 18th, and there are a TON of musicians teaching English at IML (the school), so the pressure is on to chop some wood and get my vocals in shape. I figure if we do some gospel, I can at least surprise people with the tiny little black woman that I know is sometimes lying dormant in my vocal chords.
That's all the updates I've got for now. Life's good - cold (below freezing), but good. Ups and downs, sweets and sours, all that stuff. Plain ol' L-I-V-I-N'.
I hit a groove last week with my lesson planning (exciting, right?! sorry to bore you, but this is my life). I planned everything on Sunday, and on Monday morning, there wasn't that familiar feeling of dread because I have no idea what I'm teaching today. It took a few hours to put it all together, but it was WELL worth it. And then came the three-day weekend as a result of the Dia de la Constitucion (don't ask me what the festival is about - there are far too many to keep track of, I don't ask anymore, just ENJOY the time off), and of course when I went to bed on Monday night, I hadn't planned my entire week like before. I went to work today feeling like a failure as a teacher because I just couldn't be bothered to come up with dynamic lessons for my three students today.
Oh well, I guess things work in cycles. I'll get ahead at some point, I'm sure. I've still got a bit of time before bed tonight to plan for tomorrow!
In good news, I'm possibly going to the UK for Christmas! My friend Alastair, who recently moved out of the house in Granada and went back to England, has invited Marcia and me up to his family's home in Ipswich. A roaring fire, British pudding, walks to neighborhood pubs and playing in the f-f-f-freezing cold weather - sounds like Christmas to me! I'm just thrilled to be going somewhere with a family, where they speak English and are as excited to have me as I am to be there. I'll get to see London for real (more than the airport!), and I'll get to experience British people outside of [British people in Spain]. I've got to figure out a way to do this without spending more than pocket money, but it will certainly be worth it. Woot woot! Pictures will certainly be posted, in the event that this comes through. *We still haven't booked our flight yet, which is why I speak of this as hypothetical, but it's pretty sure that we're going at this point.*
So, Christmas will be sad and strange since I'm not with my family, which is the whole point of Christmas for me. But at least I can be with someone else's family!
On another note, I've rediscovered my Southern roots, in terms of music. I've been downloading a mess of old Opry, gospel, Motown, 60's rock, and blues (Iko Iko, anybody??). This music fills my heart and makes me so homesick that I can't even describe it in words. I've been asked to sing at my school's Christmas party on December 18th, and there are a TON of musicians teaching English at IML (the school), so the pressure is on to chop some wood and get my vocals in shape. I figure if we do some gospel, I can at least surprise people with the tiny little black woman that I know is sometimes lying dormant in my vocal chords.
That's all the updates I've got for now. Life's good - cold (below freezing), but good. Ups and downs, sweets and sours, all that stuff. Plain ol' L-I-V-I-N'.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thank God for Words
Today was sortof a wash due to an impromptu hangover, and also incidentally sortof awash with sentiment since I spent a large portion of it re-reading Song of Myself for maybe the 30th time. I'd forgotten how long that poem is, and how wonderful. I'm not even halfway through it, taking my time with each line and relishing in them, and already the familiar wave of humility and grace and wonder is taking me. I know it's a bit rotten to say this, but there are elements of almost every poem I've ever written in Song of Myself. I wonder if maybe I subconsciously internalize my favorite poems and squeeze remnants of them into the things I write. There are hints of Ginsberg in some of my poems too, not surprising since he worshipped Whitman like I do. Anyway, I am in no way at ALL comparing the crappy little lives of my poems to the legends of the Greats, but I'm thankful and wistful today to feel touched and connected by something so much bigger than me, so much bigger than the world - yet completely inseparable from everything.
I just came across this particular stanza and almost felt like crying:
What is commonest, cheapest, nearest, easiest, is Me,
Me going in for my chances, spending for vast returns,
Adorning myself to bestow myself on the first that will take me,
Not asking the sky to come down to my good will,
Scattering it freely forever.
I don't know what I would do without words, without poetry. I wonder if other people in the world are fortunate enough to be as moved by something as I am by simple words. It's like the whole meaning of life for me is enveloped by this overwhelming feeling...sadness and euphoria, longing and resignation, wisdom and curiosity. It's the sweet and the sour, man. The sweet and the sour. I love you, Walt Whitman. Thanks for making me feel human again.
I just came across this particular stanza and almost felt like crying:
What is commonest, cheapest, nearest, easiest, is Me,
Me going in for my chances, spending for vast returns,
Adorning myself to bestow myself on the first that will take me,
Not asking the sky to come down to my good will,
Scattering it freely forever.
I don't know what I would do without words, without poetry. I wonder if other people in the world are fortunate enough to be as moved by something as I am by simple words. It's like the whole meaning of life for me is enveloped by this overwhelming feeling...sadness and euphoria, longing and resignation, wisdom and curiosity. It's the sweet and the sour, man. The sweet and the sour. I love you, Walt Whitman. Thanks for making me feel human again.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Bad Blog Mommy
Ok, ok. It goes without saying: I dropped the ball.
I've recently gone the more personal route of sending emails to a few friends and family members back home, so the blog suffered a little hiatus. In fact, I'm so swamped with work at this point that I'm going to borrow from some of these emails in order to update those who didn't receive one. So, my apologies in advance if these snippets seem disjointed at all. I've categorized them according to context, for clarity:
Travelling:
It's funny how you take things for granted without even knowing it. Travelling has taught me a lot about that - appreciating what you have while you have it, because next thing you know, you'll be moving on to a new city with new faces, new things to see every day, new adventures. It's different being here in Granada again because this time I have a job, like the city seems more normal and less exotic because it's sortof "home" now, but I still have these moments of complete euphoria when I realize where I am and just have to let out a big sigh of gratitude that I'm even here at all.
The Recent Election:
Despite most Americans' assumptions, it's actually been quite difficult to be a proud American abroad when everyone you meet hates and/or criticizes your president and government as well as its people for the economic crisis which they're all suffering from. That's tip of the iceberg, but ppl in Europa absolutely LOVE Obama, so their opinions of Americans (and thus of me) may change soon, and I'm happy about that.
Teaching English:
I love vocabulation!! I'm actually teaching English to some babies (3 and 4 years old), and they amaze me every day with the stuff they know. They are full of big-eyed wonder, and the other day (I've told this story to about 100 people now) we were singing "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and tooooooes..." and afterwards, I pointed at each body part and asked the students "What's this?" They repeated, "Head!" and then, "Shoulders," and then, "Kneesand!" Hahahaaaa...they didn't understand there are TWO words in the song (knees & and) and combined them. It was so cute, I burst out laughing and they were so tickled, not knowing why I was laughing, that they laughed right along with me. TOO CUTE.
Future Plans:
As for my return date *big gulp*, my flight is scheduled for June 30, but I'm already anticipating that I will have to push that date forward. English Summer Camp work usually starts July 1st, so I have no idea why I chose June 30th for my return. Working at a camp is GREAT money, for just a little inconvenience and work, and when the school year ends in late May/early June, I will definitely need the income. I might even work for 2 months, if I can. So, there's that. But then, there's also...the fact that my long-term plans may have changed quite dramatically. I know there's a chance my friends and family might be disappointed, but I'm seeing TEFL Teaching abroad as a long-term career now. There are so many more countries that I want to see, and not just to visit but to live in - Japan, Thailand, Colombia, Brazil, Mexico (for starters)...and there's just no rational reason for me to go back to the States and end up in the same place I was when I left for Spain. I mean, I could probably find a TEFL job there, but I feel like I'm finished with New Orleans for now, so I'd be living outside of Louisiana and probably outside of the South anyway...so why not just country-hop for a few years until I feel like I've really taken advantage of the fact that I'm young and not tied down?
I of course have job offers for next year already, and I might consider coming back because the hours and the pay will improve since I've already worked for them. There's just not a chance that any offer in the States could be as seductive - what can I say? I really love it here. If not here next year, I might look at teaching jobs in Mexico - at least that isn't such an expensive flight home! Most importantly, I want to continue working on my Spanish so that I can hopefully teach both English and Spanish one day. And since Mexico is close and cheap, and I have a friend with whom I can live in Colombia...well, Latin America is looking like the next logical step.
Current Conditions:
It's freezing cold here in Granada now, and there is snow completely covering the Sierra Nevadas (the mountain range which is the backdrop everywhere you go in the city). The mountains seem to call to me, and right now is the best time to go up there (no tourists, plus it's not as cold as it will be in the coming months). I would really love to organize a trip around a snowball fight. We'll see what comes of that.
Onwards and Upwards!
Ciao, until next time
XD
I've recently gone the more personal route of sending emails to a few friends and family members back home, so the blog suffered a little hiatus. In fact, I'm so swamped with work at this point that I'm going to borrow from some of these emails in order to update those who didn't receive one. So, my apologies in advance if these snippets seem disjointed at all. I've categorized them according to context, for clarity:
Travelling:
It's funny how you take things for granted without even knowing it. Travelling has taught me a lot about that - appreciating what you have while you have it, because next thing you know, you'll be moving on to a new city with new faces, new things to see every day, new adventures. It's different being here in Granada again because this time I have a job, like the city seems more normal and less exotic because it's sortof "home" now, but I still have these moments of complete euphoria when I realize where I am and just have to let out a big sigh of gratitude that I'm even here at all.
The Recent Election:
Despite most Americans' assumptions, it's actually been quite difficult to be a proud American abroad when everyone you meet hates and/or criticizes your president and government as well as its people for the economic crisis which they're all suffering from. That's tip of the iceberg, but ppl in Europa absolutely LOVE Obama, so their opinions of Americans (and thus of me) may change soon, and I'm happy about that.
Teaching English:
I love vocabulation!! I'm actually teaching English to some babies (3 and 4 years old), and they amaze me every day with the stuff they know. They are full of big-eyed wonder, and the other day (I've told this story to about 100 people now) we were singing "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and tooooooes..." and afterwards, I pointed at each body part and asked the students "What's this?" They repeated, "Head!" and then, "Shoulders," and then, "Kneesand!" Hahahaaaa...they didn't understand there are TWO words in the song (knees & and) and combined them. It was so cute, I burst out laughing and they were so tickled, not knowing why I was laughing, that they laughed right along with me. TOO CUTE.
Future Plans:
As for my return date *big gulp*, my flight is scheduled for June 30, but I'm already anticipating that I will have to push that date forward. English Summer Camp work usually starts July 1st, so I have no idea why I chose June 30th for my return. Working at a camp is GREAT money, for just a little inconvenience and work, and when the school year ends in late May/early June, I will definitely need the income. I might even work for 2 months, if I can. So, there's that. But then, there's also...the fact that my long-term plans may have changed quite dramatically. I know there's a chance my friends and family might be disappointed, but I'm seeing TEFL Teaching abroad as a long-term career now. There are so many more countries that I want to see, and not just to visit but to live in - Japan, Thailand, Colombia, Brazil, Mexico (for starters)...and there's just no rational reason for me to go back to the States and end up in the same place I was when I left for Spain. I mean, I could probably find a TEFL job there, but I feel like I'm finished with New Orleans for now, so I'd be living outside of Louisiana and probably outside of the South anyway...so why not just country-hop for a few years until I feel like I've really taken advantage of the fact that I'm young and not tied down?
I of course have job offers for next year already, and I might consider coming back because the hours and the pay will improve since I've already worked for them. There's just not a chance that any offer in the States could be as seductive - what can I say? I really love it here. If not here next year, I might look at teaching jobs in Mexico - at least that isn't such an expensive flight home! Most importantly, I want to continue working on my Spanish so that I can hopefully teach both English and Spanish one day. And since Mexico is close and cheap, and I have a friend with whom I can live in Colombia...well, Latin America is looking like the next logical step.
Current Conditions:
It's freezing cold here in Granada now, and there is snow completely covering the Sierra Nevadas (the mountain range which is the backdrop everywhere you go in the city). The mountains seem to call to me, and right now is the best time to go up there (no tourists, plus it's not as cold as it will be in the coming months). I would really love to organize a trip around a snowball fight. We'll see what comes of that.
Onwards and Upwards!
Ciao, until next time
XD
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